get real black folk!
- By naanis naturals
- Published 09/18/2008
naanis naturals
naanis naturals is a hand-crafted, natural and organic beauty care line. Articles from naani.com are reprinted with permission and featured on FGK. Order select naani's naturals products from http://shopgrandmaskitchen.com
i was chatting with an older, white male friend and invariably the topics of obama, race, discrimination, etc... came up during our discussion. i know, i know..."why in the hell am i talking to an old white man?" answer, he's not old, he's older. and he's cute, intelligent and he can handle a bit of verbal sparring.
our differences couldn't be greater; he, an ivory, catholic, successful republican male and i, an ebony, spiritual, GORGEOUS independent (he would say liberal) female. is it any wonder that words like "racist" and "left-wing nut" regularly enter our discussions? so what's the appeal?
honest and candid communication. having a grown person's conversation with a "typical white person" that doesn't end in a fist fight is refreshing. but back to the point...
what made today's discussion pertinent is that for the first time, i think we stopped being our affiliations and related as people...as human beings. prior to this although our discussions were relatively respectful except for the fact that he saw me as a person who blames whites for all the ills of black folks and i saw him as a white person who just doesn't get it. so then it dawned on me, help him "get it..."
black self-hatred and interracial discrimination
my ivory friend dates ethnic women. i don't gather that he dates outside of his race exclusively but he's definitely down with the swirl. so i asked my friend to recall how his black female partners wore their hair. i asked him if they wore it straight. i then asked him if he ever wondered why. naanifam have you ever wondered why?
there are some who would look at any black woman with straightened hair as a sign that she is embodying self-hatred. now we can debate on whether or not this is true but let's be real, if God didn't make us with straight hair, why do we covet it? it's a question that we should ask ourselves and if we don't, how do we expect white folks to understand the complexities of the black hair issues that they themselves created? it'd be like asking you taking responsibility for the African tribesman that sold his African captives into slavery for a few trinkets.
when i brought this up to my friend i'm sure he was puzzled. i mean what was my point? what's wrong with straight hair? and that my friends is the same argument that black women make to justify their monthly self-mutilation ritual...yeah i said it...MUTILATION!
so i explained to my friend that if it's true that black women who straigthen their hair hate themsemselves then "the majority of the black women you dated loathed themselves and POSSIBLY some of them only dated you to rid themselves of that loathing...POSSIBLY some of them wanted to have mixed children; not because they wanted YOUR babies but because they most likely view lighter as better. i'm sure you were attracted to them for their confidence but how confident could they have been if the way they choose to project themselves screams self-hatred?"
now here's where he and probably a good number of you with conked hair will say that they didn't hate themselves. ok, you might be right...but i don't think so.
did you know that black hair straighteners are equivalent to putting drano on your head? the ph scale goes from 1-14. 7 is distilled or purfied water...it's ph balanced. 1.8-2.3 represents the ph acidity of a lemon. 12-13 represents drain cleaner and guess what else? black hair straighteners better known as relaxers.
so i explained to my friend as i'm explaining to you, what this means is that every 4-6 weeks, black women across the world put drain cleaner on their heads....on their heads...you know, that thing that houses their brains! the chemicals in hair relaxers are so toxic that unless your scalp is fairly dirty and/or unless you coat your scalp with some sort of oil, in less than 10 minutes it will strip the top layer of skin from your scalp. if this isn't mutilation i don't know what is.
and here's where you say, "mutilation, that's going too far." too far? really? hmm, i don't need to sit in a vat of ammonia to make my point do i? oh by the way, ammonia's ph is 10. hmm...relaxers are stronger than ammonia...damn!
the point i was trying to make to my friend is that the next time he sees a beautiful, confident, black woman with straight hair to think about the above reality and ask himself "how much LOVE could she really have for herself?" knowing what he knows now, knowing what you know now, is she still beautiful or does she represent the problem within the black community that enables racism to thrive?
that damn white doll
Roger Smith writes in Intraracial Division and Black History that
my friend watched this video and he argued a terrific point. he said, so who's fault is it? you should be blaiming their parents. they're kids. they had to learn it from somewhere. and you know what, he couldn't be more on point.
but forget about who started it...that's a game left for school yards and those under the age of 10. as i stated to him and i'm now stating to you, it should make you sad to see that experiment. it should make you sad to see a child hate him/herself. yes, there are issues within the black community...clearly. but those issues were started by the white community. those issues are exacerbated by the white community. those issues are
exacerbated by the black community. but this prolific self-hatred is not limited to the black community.
source: http://www.weblo.com/domain/available/psg1.com/
clearly, a message has been sent. whites are the messenger and minorities have adopted and embraced this message in such a way that mutilating oneself is not only considered normal, but it's actually preferred to the natural, God-given reality.
so who's at fault? the people who have indoctrinated minorities with a European ideal or the idiots that continue to buy into it?
this is not a stupid is as stupid does moment. there are so many problems within minority communities that we need to do some house cleaning before we hold massa responsible. facts are, if minorities as a whole did not allow themselves to be labeled or subjugated by their past or present, then there would be a greater chance at achieving equality in this world. in other words, minorities need to rise up and take their rightful place...not above or below but to be who we are...period.
now that doesn't mean down with the white man. what it does mean is that collectively, we stand a chance, divided, we fall and ironically, "together" means all people, whites included.
minorities and women couldn't have achieved the reversals of white priviledge and fortune without whites themselves. they marched with us, they sat-in, they wrote and helped pass the legislation...they were active participants in ushering in a more equal world. the civil rights movement was successful on so many levels as it made it possible for the obama's of the world to i dunno...run for president and stand a chance at winning. but the civil rights movement has fallen short in obliterating inequality because it failed to address the true source of discrimination.
the civil rights movement ushered in political changes but hatred and discrimination reside in people's hearts and minds. you can't initiate social change by looking more white, dating outside your race, having black friends, listening to certain types of music, changing your voice when you answer the telephone... to truly obliterate racism, to eliminate "the race card," we have to get real with ourselves and with the other. we have to be brave, honest and true to and with ourselves.
get real black folk!
how in the hell do you expect a white person to appreciate or understand the level of torment that you went through in making your decision to go natural or grow dreadlocks when you yourself couldn't recall what your natural hair felt/looked like prior to transitioning?
get real black folk!
your children aren't dogs. stop shaping their noses. stop looking at their ears to see if their color will turn. stop calling up women who just gave birth and asking them what color the baby is. stop mutilating your children by putting toxic chemicals on their heads and teaching them that the moment they came out of the womb, something went horribly wrong.
get real black folk!
education is good. college is good. being articulate is good. and sometimes "white" music has a snazzy beat. i mean who'd a thunk it, Slash from Guns N' Roses is half-black. there's soul in rock if you open yourself up to it and don't regard BET as the beacon of rhythm.
get real black folk!
your nose isn't too wide. your lips aren't too big. your butt isn't better than the white chick whose back looks like it's caved in.
get real black folk!
stop buying your black babies white dolls. what in the hell is wrong with you? every christmas my aunt would damn near fight to get my cousin and i the RARE black cabbage patches that were flying off the shelves back in the day. my family didn't teach me black pride. they just didn't let white things into our house. our sugar was brown! (a joke)
get real black folk!
"ghetto" is not a cherished african american tradition. being loud and obnoxious in public places may get you a free meal but it also makes you look like you just stepped out of a movie in black face.
get real black folk!
you's a nigga. i'm a nigga. did that white boy just say nigga? make up your damn minds. either it's acceptable or it ain't but no matter what, stop using it around your kids. gosh darnit to bleepin heck, you're a freakin parent. i didn't hear "nigga" until i went to college. in fact, the first time i let the word befall my lips i said, "nigger." my friend had to correct my pronunciation...naani, it's "nigga not nigger"...and for that i am a better black person. (sarcasm)
get real black folk!
stop calling people who won't or don't vote for obama racists and uncle toms. maybe they just like old white men. i do! (joke). when someone asks you why you're voting for obama, say "i agree with his stance on the socio-economic issues facing the united states." you gotta admit that sounds a whole lot better than "it's time for a black president and if he doesn't win, i'm moving to canada."
get real black folk!
black women, get a freakin' grip. unwanted pregnancies...our fault. cheating men...our fault. dead beat dads...our fault. we either stand together as self-respecting women or we allow the a-holes within the male species to walk all over us. they can't put their peeter weeter in unless you open up. if he's involved or married, you can't have him. if he doesn't want to use a condom, he's got cooties...run! if we had more self-respect, if we didn't lay down, they'd stand up. we can get ours and still have self-respect. but if in the process of getting yours you're lamenting about how black men are dogs, just remember, you created them.
get real black folk!
do your damn hair! just because you're natural, just becuase you're embracing you does not mean you should walk around looking unkempt.
get real black folk!
put on some clothes...that fit. just because you can squeeze into it and it comes in your size doesn't mean it's meant for you. on the real, i don't want to walk in the club and see your black meat.
get real black folk!
black men black men...lord, this requires a whole notha blog.
i could go on and on. the point is, we gotta be real with ourselves. we now play the primary role in shaping how we go forward. sure, there will still be discrimination but the world can't embrace us until we embrace ourselves.
now if you've read thus far you're probably wondering how in the hell did i set the older white man striaght? i put it in terms that i felt would hit home for him...
women make approximately 70% on the dollar to what a man makes. i told him that as a successful, self-made man, he will be sure to teach his children that they rise and fall on their own accord. he will also make sure they have the best education and start in life.
i said, what if one day one day heidi-lynne who's graduated from the best university, made the best grades, got the best jobs, comes to you and says, "dad, i got passed over for another promotion even though i'm the best at my company." or "dad, john gets paid 30% more than i do and i have seniority. what would you do?" would you tell her to pick herself up by her bootstraps or would you finally realize that wow, minorities really do have to work harder and longer just to get screwed?
folks, discrimination is real. discrimination will not cease to exist until we all demand more of ourselves and those around us. wake up and hold yourself accountable first, hold your neighbor accountable, then go after the powers that be.
1 Source: Are Asians Increasingly Undergoing Plastic Surgery to Look White? http://www.alternet.org/story/49894/
our differences couldn't be greater; he, an ivory, catholic, successful republican male and i, an ebony, spiritual, GORGEOUS independent (he would say liberal) female. is it any wonder that words like "racist" and "left-wing nut" regularly enter our discussions? so what's the appeal?
honest and candid communication. having a grown person's conversation with a "typical white person" that doesn't end in a fist fight is refreshing. but back to the point...
what made today's discussion pertinent is that for the first time, i think we stopped being our affiliations and related as people...as human beings. prior to this although our discussions were relatively respectful except for the fact that he saw me as a person who blames whites for all the ills of black folks and i saw him as a white person who just doesn't get it. so then it dawned on me, help him "get it..."
black self-hatred and interracial discrimination
my ivory friend dates ethnic women. i don't gather that he dates outside of his race exclusively but he's definitely down with the swirl. so i asked my friend to recall how his black female partners wore their hair. i asked him if they wore it straight. i then asked him if he ever wondered why. naanifam have you ever wondered why?
there are some who would look at any black woman with straightened hair as a sign that she is embodying self-hatred. now we can debate on whether or not this is true but let's be real, if God didn't make us with straight hair, why do we covet it? it's a question that we should ask ourselves and if we don't, how do we expect white folks to understand the complexities of the black hair issues that they themselves created? it'd be like asking you taking responsibility for the African tribesman that sold his African captives into slavery for a few trinkets. when i brought this up to my friend i'm sure he was puzzled. i mean what was my point? what's wrong with straight hair? and that my friends is the same argument that black women make to justify their monthly self-mutilation ritual...yeah i said it...MUTILATION!
so i explained to my friend that if it's true that black women who straigthen their hair hate themsemselves then "the majority of the black women you dated loathed themselves and POSSIBLY some of them only dated you to rid themselves of that loathing...POSSIBLY some of them wanted to have mixed children; not because they wanted YOUR babies but because they most likely view lighter as better. i'm sure you were attracted to them for their confidence but how confident could they have been if the way they choose to project themselves screams self-hatred?"
now here's where he and probably a good number of you with conked hair will say that they didn't hate themselves. ok, you might be right...but i don't think so.
did you know that black hair straighteners are equivalent to putting drano on your head? the ph scale goes from 1-14. 7 is distilled or purfied water...it's ph balanced. 1.8-2.3 represents the ph acidity of a lemon. 12-13 represents drain cleaner and guess what else? black hair straighteners better known as relaxers.
so i explained to my friend as i'm explaining to you, what this means is that every 4-6 weeks, black women across the world put drain cleaner on their heads....on their heads...you know, that thing that houses their brains! the chemicals in hair relaxers are so toxic that unless your scalp is fairly dirty and/or unless you coat your scalp with some sort of oil, in less than 10 minutes it will strip the top layer of skin from your scalp. if this isn't mutilation i don't know what is.
and here's where you say, "mutilation, that's going too far." too far? really? hmm, i don't need to sit in a vat of ammonia to make my point do i? oh by the way, ammonia's ph is 10. hmm...relaxers are stronger than ammonia...damn!
the point i was trying to make to my friend is that the next time he sees a beautiful, confident, black woman with straight hair to think about the above reality and ask himself "how much LOVE could she really have for herself?" knowing what he knows now, knowing what you know now, is she still beautiful or does she represent the problem within the black community that enables racism to thrive?
that damn white doll
Roger Smith writes in Intraracial Division and Black History that
"Studies by Kenneth and Mamie Clark showed just how much of an influence white society has had on black children. The Clark's gave black children as young as three a choice of playing with a white doll or a black doll. The result was that nearly all the black children selected white dolls and when they were asked why they did, most said, " 'The white doll seems nicer and prettier, with better coloring.' " As black children grow older, they eventually turn towards their own culture but usually with a certain amount of confusion."
but that was back when brown was battling the board of education. what about now? do black children still prefer white dolls to black dolls? surely things have changed. watch the video...my friend watched this video and he argued a terrific point. he said, so who's fault is it? you should be blaiming their parents. they're kids. they had to learn it from somewhere. and you know what, he couldn't be more on point.
but forget about who started it...that's a game left for school yards and those under the age of 10. as i stated to him and i'm now stating to you, it should make you sad to see that experiment. it should make you sad to see a child hate him/herself. yes, there are issues within the black community...clearly. but those issues were started by the white community. those issues are exacerbated by the white community. those issues are
exacerbated by the black community. but this prolific self-hatred is not limited to the black community.
"According to a survey by the American Society of plastic Surgeons (ASPS), the number of minorities getting plastic surgery quadrupled between 1997 and 2002. And in 2005 Asian-Americans had 437,000 cosmetic surgeries, up 58 percent from 2004." 1
source: http://www.weblo.com/domain/available/psg1.com/
clearly, a message has been sent. whites are the messenger and minorities have adopted and embraced this message in such a way that mutilating oneself is not only considered normal, but it's actually preferred to the natural, God-given reality.
so who's at fault? the people who have indoctrinated minorities with a European ideal or the idiots that continue to buy into it?
this is not a stupid is as stupid does moment. there are so many problems within minority communities that we need to do some house cleaning before we hold massa responsible. facts are, if minorities as a whole did not allow themselves to be labeled or subjugated by their past or present, then there would be a greater chance at achieving equality in this world. in other words, minorities need to rise up and take their rightful place...not above or below but to be who we are...period.
now that doesn't mean down with the white man. what it does mean is that collectively, we stand a chance, divided, we fall and ironically, "together" means all people, whites included.minorities and women couldn't have achieved the reversals of white priviledge and fortune without whites themselves. they marched with us, they sat-in, they wrote and helped pass the legislation...they were active participants in ushering in a more equal world. the civil rights movement was successful on so many levels as it made it possible for the obama's of the world to i dunno...run for president and stand a chance at winning. but the civil rights movement has fallen short in obliterating inequality because it failed to address the true source of discrimination.
the civil rights movement ushered in political changes but hatred and discrimination reside in people's hearts and minds. you can't initiate social change by looking more white, dating outside your race, having black friends, listening to certain types of music, changing your voice when you answer the telephone... to truly obliterate racism, to eliminate "the race card," we have to get real with ourselves and with the other. we have to be brave, honest and true to and with ourselves.
get real black folk!
how in the hell do you expect a white person to appreciate or understand the level of torment that you went through in making your decision to go natural or grow dreadlocks when you yourself couldn't recall what your natural hair felt/looked like prior to transitioning?
get real black folk!
your children aren't dogs. stop shaping their noses. stop looking at their ears to see if their color will turn. stop calling up women who just gave birth and asking them what color the baby is. stop mutilating your children by putting toxic chemicals on their heads and teaching them that the moment they came out of the womb, something went horribly wrong.
get real black folk!
education is good. college is good. being articulate is good. and sometimes "white" music has a snazzy beat. i mean who'd a thunk it, Slash from Guns N' Roses is half-black. there's soul in rock if you open yourself up to it and don't regard BET as the beacon of rhythm.
get real black folk!
your nose isn't too wide. your lips aren't too big. your butt isn't better than the white chick whose back looks like it's caved in.
get real black folk!
stop buying your black babies white dolls. what in the hell is wrong with you? every christmas my aunt would damn near fight to get my cousin and i the RARE black cabbage patches that were flying off the shelves back in the day. my family didn't teach me black pride. they just didn't let white things into our house. our sugar was brown! (a joke)
get real black folk!
"ghetto" is not a cherished african american tradition. being loud and obnoxious in public places may get you a free meal but it also makes you look like you just stepped out of a movie in black face.
get real black folk!
you's a nigga. i'm a nigga. did that white boy just say nigga? make up your damn minds. either it's acceptable or it ain't but no matter what, stop using it around your kids. gosh darnit to bleepin heck, you're a freakin parent. i didn't hear "nigga" until i went to college. in fact, the first time i let the word befall my lips i said, "nigger." my friend had to correct my pronunciation...naani, it's "nigga not nigger"...and for that i am a better black person. (sarcasm)
get real black folk!
stop calling people who won't or don't vote for obama racists and uncle toms. maybe they just like old white men. i do! (joke). when someone asks you why you're voting for obama, say "i agree with his stance on the socio-economic issues facing the united states." you gotta admit that sounds a whole lot better than "it's time for a black president and if he doesn't win, i'm moving to canada."
get real black folk!
black women, get a freakin' grip. unwanted pregnancies...our fault. cheating men...our fault. dead beat dads...our fault. we either stand together as self-respecting women or we allow the a-holes within the male species to walk all over us. they can't put their peeter weeter in unless you open up. if he's involved or married, you can't have him. if he doesn't want to use a condom, he's got cooties...run! if we had more self-respect, if we didn't lay down, they'd stand up. we can get ours and still have self-respect. but if in the process of getting yours you're lamenting about how black men are dogs, just remember, you created them.
get real black folk!
do your damn hair! just because you're natural, just becuase you're embracing you does not mean you should walk around looking unkempt.
get real black folk!
put on some clothes...that fit. just because you can squeeze into it and it comes in your size doesn't mean it's meant for you. on the real, i don't want to walk in the club and see your black meat.
get real black folk!
black men black men...lord, this requires a whole notha blog.
i could go on and on. the point is, we gotta be real with ourselves. we now play the primary role in shaping how we go forward. sure, there will still be discrimination but the world can't embrace us until we embrace ourselves.
now if you've read thus far you're probably wondering how in the hell did i set the older white man striaght? i put it in terms that i felt would hit home for him...
women make approximately 70% on the dollar to what a man makes. i told him that as a successful, self-made man, he will be sure to teach his children that they rise and fall on their own accord. he will also make sure they have the best education and start in life.
i said, what if one day one day heidi-lynne who's graduated from the best university, made the best grades, got the best jobs, comes to you and says, "dad, i got passed over for another promotion even though i'm the best at my company." or "dad, john gets paid 30% more than i do and i have seniority. what would you do?" would you tell her to pick herself up by her bootstraps or would you finally realize that wow, minorities really do have to work harder and longer just to get screwed?
folks, discrimination is real. discrimination will not cease to exist until we all demand more of ourselves and those around us. wake up and hold yourself accountable first, hold your neighbor accountable, then go after the powers that be.
1 Source: Are Asians Increasingly Undergoing Plastic Surgery to Look White? http://www.alternet.org/story/49894/
Share this Article
Comments
Comment #1 (Posted by folashaywa)
i am only 17 right now, and i have often wondered the same things myself. I know its easy to claimthat permed women have some sort of self hatred, but i too had a perm once. The only reason i got one was because we were broke, my hair was natural and no one in my family could do hair for free. I didnt want dreads, and was tired of afro's everyday. Granted i didnt want a perm either, but i wanted to try it. I regretted it and cut it off this year in February, but it had nothing to do with self hatred. I was just broke and lazy. lol. I missed my fro so much.
Comment #2 (Posted by Carla Bodrick)
naanigirl you are a breath of fresh air. what a lovely heart and lovely brain you have. you must do a blog on males. i for one would love to know your thoughts, because they rule the world and just look at it. You'd probably have to do a series and go continent by continent, but I implore you to start with africa to help us understand why when hunger and aids is so prevalent these males don't have a problem with impregnating their women. i'm a lot confused on this point. i can only compare the emotional state of these men to hungry mongrels. with all the aid that pours onto this continent, are condoms ever part of the shipments? where does the air of superiority surrounding the male animal come from? etc. by the way, i've never been a feminist, but I'm a happy widow:).
Nothing looks more beautiful than a head of full, sleek, and shiny hair. All women want their hair to fall like liquid silk, and while the “results” seen in hair-care commercials may be a bit too perfect to be real, there are numerous things you can do to improve the health and beauty of the hair you have.
USC professor studies the politics of follicles and how they shape an African American woman’s identity.
This style is hot! Imagine cutting your hair. Now imagine cutting it with fire. Yes, actual FIRE!
Never once did she even seem to consider the possibility that the problem could in some way be related to the fact that she had added about 40 unnecessary pounds onto a previously perfect body, had cut her hair ridiculously short, and fumbled around at home in frilly, flowery pajamas.