The worse prejudice I have ever experienced was 'black on black' and 'slender vs. queen size'.  Growing up, I endured a lot of teasing and taunting because of my appearance: Dark skinned, course grade of hair, consistently gradual weight gain, crooked front teeth with a gap.  So much emphasis was placed on my appearance.

I am always in awe of how human beings treat each other.  I am mezmorized by prejudice and the pain it causes.  Yet, the worse prejudice I have ever experienced was 'black on black' and 'slender vs. queen size'.  Growing up, I endured a lot of teasing and taunting because of my appearance: Dark skinned, course grade of hair, consistently gradual weight gain, crooked front teeth with a gap.  So much emphasis was placed on my appearance that I always boasted my talent to change the subject.

A singer-songwriter, an actress, an artist, a dancer, and just plain multigifted.  Yet, those gifts and talents did not help me to gain acceptance.  If anything, my attempts at acceptance with different peer groups only caused further criticism and further distancing from family and friends.  The constant teasing made me feel that I was a failure and an insult as a black child.  I felt worthless, and dejected most of the time.  (Much later without asking, I would learn that my main bloodline is Native American (My parents are Cherokee- my maternal grandmother is registered at a reservation, and African American), and dad was also Welsh.)

It appeared that my 'more attractive' peers were the ones who had the boyfriends, the popularity, the invites to the school dances and parties, and wore the 'sharpest' clothing.   These peers had what was considered the ideal figures, the 'good' hair, the brown, medium brown, or light skin.  Out of those peers, there were a select few who felt comfortable calling me 'blackie' and 'ugly' constantly.  Do we also mention that napturality and locs were barely acceptable back in the day???  'Thou must keep thy hair pressed or permed bone straight"?  Not to mention a continued concern that my mom and sister had about my weight. (Shoot, I was always warring with myself about my weight.) Mom was very petite.  Dad was comfortably stocky but not large.  I was the youngest child and the largest in stature.  I even endured a 'lengthy season' of physical and verbal abuse from a relative and bullying by yet more peers.  I never considered myself the victim.  I was conditioned by my elders to believe that it was all my fault.  My grades were even affected.  Hence, being reminded of my shortcomings constantly only lowered my selfesteem to the point where at 14 years of age, I attempted suicide for the first time... the first of many times until I reached my upper 30's.  (I'll share more in future blogs.)

I share the above to say this:  It was only after one very serious suicide attempt on August 26, 1995 (at 33 years of age) that I began to get quiet and realize how beautifully and wonderfully God created me.  In His infinite love, wisdom and forgiveness of my shortcomings, He began teaching me how to love others for who they are and where they are- no matter the walk of life.  Most of all, I began to learn to love myself.  Oh, believe me, it is still a daily challenge; clearing my mind of negative thoughts and learning to think and speak positive affirmations over myself, my husband, my children, and... 'people'.  The truth is, I started feeling better physically, emotionally, and spiritually.   Once I accepted myself and stopped being burdened by blame and condemnation, I began to LIVE again!

My family and extended relatives are all doing well.  Not sure what became of my peers.  I did learn that some are educators, medical and business professionals, politicians,  parents and grandparents.  Some have passed on.  Some are substance abusers, addicts, in jail or prison.  I love them all and forgive them for any pain they may have inflicted. 

There was a time when I wanted to shed my skin and be someone else.  Not anymore!  I embrace myself because I am a creation of God.  On days when the pressures of physical and internal beauty take front stage, I give myself  a huge hug.  I look in the mirror and thank God for all He is doing in my life.  Shed my skin?  NOT!  I don't think so... and neither should you!

(((BIG HUGS!!!)))